I leave Wednesday for Kenya. I haven't packed. I don't even know what I need to pack. I think I still need to go shopping for some stuff. I need to book a hostel for the first three nights. I need to start my malaria medicine. I still have to put a calendar together for staff while I am gone so they know what they are supposed to be doing. I have a quiz tomorrow in psychology, then one on Tuesday in stats. I still need to finish my application for Africa (considering I am leaving on Wednesday). I need to do my taxes. I NEED TO DO MY TAXES! Ok, yeah. I have to do a presentation tomorrow night on the 6 week class I just taught.......My parents leave tomorrow for Colorado. I want to go see my nephew (ok so I want to see Rachel and Frank too, but ya know what I mean).

Can life get any better?  Im not busy, I am mulit-tasking.

Also we are doing 24/7 at the church this month. Check it out.

Here is a quote. Tell me what you think.

"The only place that perhaps you are safe from God is in a state of mediocrity. For if you find yourself in utter despair in the deepest Hell, God is there to rescue you; if you find yourself in the hand of God in the solitude of prayer, God is there to shape you. It is in mediocrity that you are safe from the workings of God in your life, where your heart is hardened and religion is lord. It should be said though, that even here you are not safe forever from God, for His wrath will be swift in the day of Judgement for the children of disobedience."

"Lord, High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,
Thou has brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;

Let me find thy light in my darkness,
thy life in my death,
thy joy in my sorrow,
thy grace in my sin,
thy riches in my poverty,
thy glory in my valley."

taken from
The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions.

So I bought a ticket the other night for Nairobi. One way.  No I do I have a return date. I will be flying out of Atlanta the 16th of April and returning the 25th of April. I'm pretty excited about this trip.

So many words to speak, but they fall on deaf ears. Often it's my own deaf ears and blind eyes that miss the meaning. No power to what I say. No point. Maybe it's just a gamble, or a play for position. Where's the focus? Are my eyes blinded cause I am looking at the wrong thing? Are my ears deaf because I hear the voices all around and I shut out the One that can speak peace to my life?

There are still many tears I need to cry.

Love is the way, the truth, and the life.

I am home right now, but only for a moment. More than anything I am just tired I think. I just got back from 10 or so days on the road and I'm off again this weekend. I'm writing a 6 week course that starts sunday. (Almost finished with week two) School midterms are closing in. More and more I feel like a pharisee. I'm going to Africa in April (I just need like 10,000 tokens). This is a good friend of mine's blog. I wasn't at Mardi Gras as long as I wanted to be. I had 3 people in 30 minutes today ask me if I was still going to be at my job next year. I'm about to go study statistics. Then to work. Then to sleep. Wake-up shower work coffee Gainesville Keystone Atlanta Keystone Home. One day I'm gonna take a break and sit on the beach. I miss the beach.

There is no force in the heavens, on the earth or beneath that can stop a person from knowing God who has set his heart completely and totally aside to loving Him.

It is better to be loved than to be great. I wish to be loved.

These are the pages of my journal that I haven't written...

We got an email this weekend that one of the kids we saw while in Haiti died yesterday. She was scheduled to come to the states on Wednesday for surgery to have a defect in her heart repaired. She was an incredible child full of personality who touched a lot of people in her short life of perhaps two years.

In thinking about it I think the reason I go to Haiti over Christmas is I have the chance to see Jesus. He is not exactly how I imagined Him, but God usually isn't. I see this humble King in the smile of a kid with a severe handicap, in the laugh of a mother who will in a weeks time loose her daughter, in the tear stained faces of those who are so hungry their bellies are swollen, and I see Him in the dusty feet of those who walk the world not defining their joy by their circumstances.

Haiti is simply a place to see Jesus in a little less of a fog than I see Him here. Haiti is anywhere you can go to meet this Suffereing Servant. We claim to know this Jesus, but I think maybe along the road our picture of who we thought Him to be was a little off. Read Luke 24:13-32

I want to know Jesus. I need Him. I really need Him. It seems to me that perhaps He is still walking the Earth today calling on people to follow Him. I wonder if I really think it is worth it to follow, or if I want to stay and bury my dead and tell others goodbye before I can follow Him.

My New Year resolution is to tell the truth regardless. I think more than anything I will have to be honest with myself. Being honest with other people, that's not the hard part. It's myself I don't want to be honest with. It hurts too much.

So I agree with Nancy...here is a post.

I got back from Haiti on Saturday night. I am still processing a lot of the trip and probably will be for a while. It was a different experience in a lot of ways from Johnny the guy who goes and does to Johnny the guy who if the trip bombs its his fault.  Grace is good though, and the trip went well. There were ten of us who went. For some it was their first time out of the country.

We did a lot more this Christmas than last year. Tuesday we drove about an hour away and did a clinic for a group of elderly. There were these two guys in their mid 20's who felt like God had called them to work with the elderly of this certain community. It was really great to see their passion. Isaac and I walked around the village a little bit while the rest of the team were seeing people at the clinic. It's always amazing to me the total poverty that people continue endure and how their joy is not based on what they have.

Wednesday and Thursday we were at New Life celebrating Christmas with the kids. As much as I could say to describe it too you, there are just some things that you have to experience to understand. It's a great experience to celebrate with people who are thankful for everything.

Friday we visited our friend Elizabeth who is working at El Shaddai in Dessources. We were able to spend some time with the kids there. There is a child that lives close by who is in the process of having heart surgery in the states. We got to visit her and see where she lives. She will be coming back to the states in January for more surgeries. When we were walking around there we saw a lot of starving children. That's not something you forget. Their bellies were swollen and their faces stained from tears cried in hunger.

I don't think many people can go to Haiti and not leave a piece of themselves their. I know it's a place that I love. I know it's a place I want to return to soon.

I hope you all had a great Christmas. I know mine was very memorable. People ask me why I don't spend holidays at home anymore with my family. Sometimes I have an answer and sometimes I don't. I just know there is more to life than what we call happiness.